See ya

Well, 2005 is almost over.

And like Raine, I'm sort of sitting here thinking about it, all the while not really wanting to.

I can't say I'll miss the year very much, truthfully I felt a lot of ups, which I mostly kept to myself, and a whole lot of downs, which I sometimes bitched about on here.

I screwed up in a lot of ways which the majority of people will never really understand.

It's strange to look back and see how things and people came and went. I guess that's life.

Outside of myself, the world continued to fuck itself up and work toward the goal of complete destruction. (yes, it's true, and anybody who tries to tell me it's not "that bad" can fuck off)

We can blame mother nature for some, but let's get real here, people need to wake up. Sometimes the thought of what lies ahead is enough to make my stomach begin to turn.

I'd go on some rant about how I'm going to make 2006 MY year, but really, does that ever happen?

I'll quietly make some promises to myself, and maybe find a way to make them happen, that is the best I can do. I'll probably keep on screwing up, too.

Anyway, out with 2005.

With any luck I'll be writing the same kind of post next year.

Also, I won't be doing any celebrating. I won't be near people I care about. I won't be getting wasted and making an ass out of myself. I'll be sleeping, and then I'll be working.

Hey look at that, some things never change.

Good riddance, 2005, and all the shit you brought with you.

Another one down.

I just got home from my Grandma's and our traditional family get together/dinner. It was alright. Good to see everyone again, I suppose.

The night before I went to my other Grandma's and did the same thing, it too, was alright.

The whole "Christmas feeling" never quite grabbed me. I thought maybe at the last minute it might, but it didn't.
I certainly had a great day, and am thankful for everything I got, as well as the time I spent with my family...I guess I'm just getting older.

I received some cool gifts including Tony Hawk and Sonic Rush for my Nintendo DS as well as Spartan: Total Warrior for my GameCube.

I also got a few DVD's, some good, real headphones and a badass watch that I've wanted for a while...Also some other things that I can't remember right now. So I really can't complain in that department.

Anyway, I'm hoping that if the Christmas cheer didn't exactly grab you by the throat, that you at least had a great day and got to spend it with the people you really care for. Afterall, that's what it is really about.

Merry Christmas, guys.

Cheese, cheese, cheese.

Finally got to see Serenity yesterday.

I have to say I really, really liked it. It's more or less a movie of the short lived sci-fi TV show "Firefly" (which I never watched, but plan to now).

And it has to be said, I'd take that universe, as in all the characters, settings and so on over a Star Wars film anyday. It's got a whole hell of a lot more character and takes part in a "wild west" feeling world...with fricken space ships.

Really cool movie.

I also just watched Fromage 2005 on Much Music, which is basically Ed the sock tearing apart the worst/dumbest/cheesiest 40 videos from this year.

That guy is fucking awesome and brutally honest, not to mention absolultely right.

I want to have his babies.

Dreams: Volume II

Well I am definitely on the road to getting better. I downed some tacos last night and they stayed in me, so that's a good sign. I can also drink water and not have it come out the other end of me in record time...so it's nice.

I've been having strange dreams though.

The very first night I had the fever I dreamed I was inside some kind of old hospital that kept getting bombed, or exploding somehow. Bits and pieces of the roof would collapse and I'd have to run to another area, sometimes digging myself out of a pile of rocks before I did so.

I woke up a few times and thought I was still in that very dream which pissed me off, and when I fell back asleep, well...Same thing. I dreamed about that literally all night.

And then last night...

I dreamed me and Two other people, one girl and another fellow met a strange man. He was really young and wore a crazy looking brown jacket.

We walked and talked until we were suddenly in some cafeteria looking place. I remember there were some French fries and slice of apple pie for everyone including himself.

We ate slowly, kind of unsure of why we were there. The man in the brown coat looked concerned the whole time, and eventually told us it was the last real meal we would ever be eating, and not to panic.

He said he was taking us some place where we could do "good work". It was also explained that he was not from our world. I remember asking him if he liked the taste of real food for some reason and he said that he couldn't taste it anymore and hadn't been able to for some time and threw his food down in disappointment.

Eventually he asked if we were all ready to go. We said yes without asking any questions and were almost immediately standing on the corner of some busy street.

The man went on to explain how the things we've seen for most of our life were "real...But not real real" I remember this because his voice sort of changed pitch and it sounded odd.

He went on to describe how there are some people who know the difference between real and fake, and that some of these people are looking to cause trouble and that they need to be stopped.

I don't remember much else a bit after that, but at some point it was explained that the world I was looking at (this busy street corner) were not real. The man asked me to check for myself, so I walked slowly across the street and the cars slowed down (like slow motion) I didn't worry much and kept walking. When I got to the other side I noticed the area beyond this corner looked odd. I reached my hand out and touched the street light and it sort of rippled and bent.

For whatever reason I wasn't worried or even amazed, I just walked back across the street, letting the cars pass right through me this time (which was cool feeling).

And I can't remember the rest except we somehow ended up at his house and played a game of Contra on the NES in his basement.

Yes, I am serious.

Way to start out cool and then turn it unto something totally disappointing, brilliant brain of mine.

don't know what I'm doing here.

I woke up last night and felt a funny feeling in my stomach. I tried my hardest to brush it off, but as I finally lifted myself out of bed...I knew it was no good.

I ran to the bathroom and proceeded to puke into the toilet.

I've not vomited in years but those feelings came back to me in an instant, the feeling of your body feeling as if it's on fire, and the cold sweat that follows it.

I got incredibly light headed and sprawled myself out on the cold bathroom floor for a good 15 minutes, and I swear to godI could have died there. I wanted to.

I eventually ran some water over my face, called work and crawled back into bed. I slept for 10 hours and woke up this morning feeling even worse.

Why it it my entire body is in pain? My neck, my legs, my back...I cannot find any comfort, which is why I'm here right now, I guess.

My head feels heavy and the room keeps spinning (it's very seriously taken me half an hour to write this). I want to sleep, but as soon as I cover myself up I feel the sweat coat my body, and as soon as I get back up, I get shivers.

Why does shit like this come from out of nowhere?

I want to die.

fuck you...jackets.

So the past few days I've found myself out and about looking for a jacket.

Why is it so hard to find what I want? I just need something warm, but not as heavy as all these "winter jackets" every store is selling. I just want to be able to wear it over my hoodie if I feel the need.

I've been to a bunch of places now and they all suck.

I tried that Mark's place and they had some decent stuff, but all Extra, Extra large and shit like that. Plus sales people drive me insane. Everytime somebody asks "can I help you with something today?" I cringe. Just leave me alone. Fuck.

And I don't give a fuck that this ugly puffy jacket in front of me is "very popular right now" it's fucking stupid looking.

Obviously, I'm picky about my Jacket, but why not? The only other thing I'm that picky about are shoes (because I find my ONE pair and I stick with them until the death). Everything else, jeans/pants/shirts, I really don't care much about.

Also brand names, I don't really give a shit about those either, aside from a few I just won't wear (Think Nike, Adidas, etc) so I wonder why it's so hard to find something that appeals to me. Maybe I'm looking at the wrong places.

I think this winter is going to be another hoodie winter.

Or maybe I ought to check out Value Village next time I hit Edmonton. I don't know anymore.

PS. I hate blogger and their stupid ass spellcheck. If they ask me to change all my uses of "fuck" to "Fuji" one more time, I'm going to lose it.

Syriana

Well as Trevor already mentioned in his blog, him and I went to see Syriana tonight.

I have to say it was one awesome film, it's basically about human greed at the cost of life and character, or more specifically...About American oil companies operations in the middle east and the government of Iran and America.

It was a bit hard to follow at times, mainly because it jumps back and forth between sets of characters and their events.

I want to watch it again, and I have to agree with Trevor, it has really stuck with me.

It's beautiful, tragic and sickening all at once...which is pretty much the only way to describe it.

Everyone should see it.

On a completely different subject, I've been not sleeping well at all lately. The past week has been the type where you lay in bed for a few hours and then eventually nod off...Or at least you think so, because you wake up some short while later and still feel like shit, so you repeat the process.

It's fucking brutal and I'm beginning to wonder if these years backwards sleeping patterns are permanently fucking me up.

Holding.

I have so much stuff in my head that I want to say, but I don't because when I think about it, it's the same old shit. I just want everyone to disappear for a long while so that I can think.

Instead.

Random thoughts:

1. I want to punch Gwen Stefani in the face repeatedly for being such an annoying talentless bitch. Also she's not that hot. women that have the bodies of 10 year old anorexic boys are not hot. Stop it people.

2. The Exquisite Death Of Saxon Shore by Saxon Shore is the best instrumental rock album ever written and recorded. If you don't agree, you are a SON OF A BITCH.

3. Christmas is overrated and I can't wait until this fake "Christmas cheer" fucks off and dies and people go back to being the same old greedy fucks they were before December came.

4. I'm not mad. Not at you. You're one of the good ones. Yeah, you're alright.

5. I'm going to bed. Goodnight sun.

Oh Aeon, you stole my heart.

Well. I've not updated in some time, so here I am.

Me and the boys went to see a movie tonight. That film was Aeon Flux. Now, I went in not expecting much, hell, I even told myself it would suck...But I'll watch anything once.

Surprisingly, I came out rather impressed. It's not mind blowing in anyway, but it sure as hell was entertaining. I figure people are hating on it because not a whole lot is really explained, you get to see some crazy sci-fi stuff and some people aren't willing to use their imaginations or step out of reality for an hour and a half.

I rather enjoyed it. I said it.

And it has to be said Charlize Theron is HOT. I've never found her all that attractive when I saw her before (as a blonde), but with that sexy jet black hair...My god. Bonus points.



Mostly, it was just nice to hang out with Ryan and Trevor again. Monday usually consists of me staying up as late as possible after work and then sleeping for 15 hours, so it was nice to be alive for once.