I don't know what to put here.

Well I'm sick of writing about it, and chances are the few people that read it are just as tired of it, but I went to the doctor today again.

All I did was tell him my story about the past few months and he asked me some questions like whether or not I smoke, do drugs, drink and so on. He also asked if I'm stressed out and if I'm depressed, which I thought was odd.

I think everyone is stressed to a point, and depressed, well, I find that hard to answer because I don't quite know what qualifies as depressed. I wouldn't say I'm not depressed...but...well, you get the point.

Anyway, He more or less told me that since they aren't making any progress and it's been so long, that I should see a specialist. what kind of specialst? I have no idea. He's to set everything up for me and give me a call in the next few days I believe.

So that's good. I guess.

It kinda made me question just how much stress/depression could have to do with it. I hear different things from different people and while that's not as scary as something like a serious disease, it still creeps me out in a very different way. I guess because it's not something you really notice when it happens and because it's harder to diagnose when it does.

At any rate I'm sick of it all and hope to be feeling somewhat normal soon.

I want to make some changes to my life. I'm just waiting to feel decent before proceeding, which is why this is so frustrating.

You know what else is frustrating? when people see a photo radar van or something and decide that they absolutely have to slow down 20km/h below the speed limit. What the hell, people? do the fucking speed limit.

Well I suppose I'll go lay down somewhere for a bit. I am not spellchecking this.

you heard me, punchy.

Man work sucks. Period. This job. Any job. Always.

I don't want to work anywhere anymore. I don't want to give my time to some company I don't give a shit about. I'm so sick of it.

I'll spare everyone and just call it a "bad day" I guess.

I also came to the conclusion that Sonic (the radio station) fucking sucks. Jesus christ it's like Three days grace, my chemical romance, the killers and then finger eleven on an endless fucking loop.

That shit is AWFUL. just STOP. For the love of god.

I don't have much choice at work. It just makes me mad, I remember when I used to sort of like the station. I guess just because it was new and at the time they played some good shit more often.

Now I just want to jab a Q-tip into my ear until all I hear is a faint hum.

I guess when they say "modern rock station" they really mean "modern shit station".

Ok. Rant over.

Goodnight, jerks.

this is SPARTAAAAAAA!

A couple nights ago I had a dream in which I killed somebody.

I don't know how or why or even who they were. All I know was that it was a woman. I had the body under my bed wrapped in plastic. The Majority of the dream was spent sitting and trying to decide if I wanted to turn myself in or if I could hide the body and get away with it.

I had such an immense feeling of regret, like I knew it was an accident somehow. Or something that went too far. I remember thinking I'd give anything to be able to go back and prevent it from happening.

Anyway, I mention it only because it's the type of dream that has stuck with me for a few days. It was bizzare. I actually woke up and it took a moment to realize it was indeed just a dream and that there was no corpse under my bed.

Or was there?
Or IS there?

You know what the best part (if there is one) is about feeling like shit for so long? since I really don't feel the need to go anywhere, I'm not spending money. I can't remember the last time my bank balance looked this nice.

So I keep promising myself that I will actually take some sort of legit vacation as soon as I feel back to normal.

Or Maybe I'll just move the fuck out.

holy shit balls.

Today I went and saw 300 with Percy.

Anybody who knows the guy (Ryan and Tracy) knows that he's never on time for anything. So two minutes before the movie is supposed to start he still wasn't around so I sent him a text message. I got a reply about 30 seconds later that said something like "I'm almsot thernnsfdsf" and then I looked over to see him almost fall flat on his ass from being so out of breath.

Apparently he more or less sprinted across the mall because they were doing construction and he had nowhere closer to park or something.

Anyway it was good stuff because he looked like he was ready to snap. He's a nice guy though, probably the only one I work with that doesn't annoy me on a regular basis.

Quality movie too. I give it a "holy fuck/10"

Fuck historical accuracy, I just want to see dudes getting skewered and limbs being severed. Great style, too.

In other news Irn-Bru is perhaps the best drink ever. God Bless Scotland. I just wish I didn't have to go to superstore to buy it. A person should be able to buy cases at 7-11 because it is delicious.

I had something else to say that was kind of important but I don't remember so I'm gonna go play some video games.

bacon fat.

Health update:

My Bone scan was apparently all clear and "normal". So that is good. Frustrating in some ways, but good.

I was told that they could go ahead and do some other tests, and could continue testing me until "there's nothing left" of me, but the doctor advised me to more or less just deal with it and hope that it gets better. If it changes/gets worse I'm supposed to go back and probably get something else done.

He told me a story about a woman who basically felt like crap for a long time She had hundreds of tests done and they could never find out what was wrong with her. TEN years later she was tested for some kind of arthritis (again) and it finally showed up. She was given treatment/medications and was fine after that.

His point was, of course that things can go wrong with the human body and sometimes it's very hard to pin down what the problem is, and that I might not be in the best shape, but I am healthy enough from what the tests show.

Still, three months of feeling like shit is plenty enough for me, and if I don't feel better soon I'm gonna lose it. I'll seriously just keep going back and bothering them about it.

my "family" doctor, the one I usually see is back from wherever he was, so I might check in with him in a week or so and see what HE thinks because he actually listens.

In other news I got my new drivers licence and I am amazed at how much hair I have. I never realized for some reason. I'm beginning to look quite shaggy, even the people at work (old bags mostly) like to bug me about it.

I maintain, though, that it is my tribute to Ryan Smyth. Now that he's gone to New york, someones gotta sport the hockey mullet, so here I am. Once summer hits though, man. I dunno. I might take it all off.

Oh speaking of hockey, the Oilers aren't going to make the playoffs and that kind of blows, but they really don't deserve it anyway. The last three or four games I've watched have been horrid, and all through the season they've been dropping key games.

That team seriously needs to be re-built in the off season and ready to kick ass in October or else it's gonna be the same thing all over again.

That's your sports update, now over to Mike Sobel with the weather.