These days.

I found this link posted at another forum I visit. When I clicked it, I was in a decent mood, but as I began reading it I found it to be absolutely depressing and pretty sickening.

It seems the price of the world's most powerful country bringing their brand of "freedom" to your lands is complete chaos and destruction.

I know this has been going on for a long time, but reading that article on this day has pushed me over some kind of edge, I swear. I'm sitting here in a quiet, eerie rage and I have no idea what to do.

Words fail me.

Don't even try to argue that Baghdad was worse before this invasion started because clearly, to the people who actually live there, it was not.

Did Iraq have problems before all this? I have no doubt, but can you imagine what it would feel like to live like these people are living now?

The truth of the matter, my friends, is that you and I are among the luckiest of people in the world right now.

Sit back and think about it.

And continue to think about it every day you live.

mmmhhmmm

I watched some pretty awesome films these past few days so I felt it necessary to do some quick reviews.

The Proposition
I'm not huge on western, but this is one of the best films I've seen in a while. Guy Pearce is awesome. It's about a guy who has to track down and kill his older, lunatic brother in order to save his younger brother from being executed.

It's not an all out action movie, but it has so much atmosphere and is so brilliantly shot that I enjoyed the bejesus out of it.

If you are at all interested in westerns you need to see it.

Hard Candy
I'd wanted to see this for a while after I heard all the buzz it was getting. It's about a guy who meets a underage girl on the internet. They meet up in real life and go back to his place and shit hits the mother fucking fan.
She ends up drugging him and finding out he's a pedophile connected with a local girls disappearance... And the tables turn my friends, oh my god do they turn. I'd describe it as intense, disturbing and awesomely acted.

If you are at all interested in underage teens you need to see it.

Urbania
Basically a movie about loneliness, loss and grief and what it can do to a person. Kind of confusing in the beginning as it deals with urban legends for some reason.
Also the main character is gay which was weird only because I didn't really know what I was getting into, so the story also deals with gay people and homophobes and REVENGE. It has a great ending. Very Powerful.

If you are at all interested in gay men you need to see it.

See what I did there!?

Seriously though, all awesome films.

Grounded.

Last night I had what is probably the most surreal dream I can remember having for a long while.

Me and this guy were in a car driving down some road, I was the passenger. This guy kind of reminded me of my friend James, but I don't think it was supposed to be him.

For no reason he started speeding. I looked over at the speedometer and saw he was doing 260+ KM an hour. I calmly asked if he could slow down, but at this point he started crying and yelling and literally smashing his own head into the steering wheel. I don't know what he was yelling or if they were even real words. I just can't remember.

I was terrified, and we kept on gaining speed. Eventually there was a police road block up ahead. You know, cars parked end to end and cops standing in front with guns drawn. Even though we were traveling at some sickening speed, I can remember seeing them all perfectly, dozens of cops. As we got closer they began shooting at the car. Bullets were hitting the windshield and pieces of glass and metal were flying all over. I ducked under the dash and looked up at the driver.

This is the part that really creeps me out, after the fact. I saw his face pretty much explode from gunshots and literally SPEW blood all over me. I distinctly recall how warm it felt as it covered my face. It was sickening, though I kept watching as his body got torn apart as well.

I remained ducked down as the car plowed into what I guess was the road block. I remember feeling very, very dizzy and disoriented but there was little actual impact or noise. It was just kind of like I blacked out.

Then I recall crawling out of the overturned car, at which point everything around me, including the highway was on fire. It was just blackness and flames all around me. The flames felt close, but looked far enough away. Like a long zoomed out shot in a movie.

And so I woke up. Then I went pee. Then I went back to bed.

That night when I was up for good, I started remembering it and I actually said to myself "holy fuck" as I recalled the details.

Fun stuff, kids.

In other news I finished the novel "Jpod" also by Douglas Coupland. It was amusing and funny and full of nerd humour (It is about a group of game designers and how fucked up their lives are.) A nice light read if I do say so myself.

Holy. Shit.

This picture gave me a serious case of the goosebumps. Zelda games are beyond awesome, it's like they are made out of MAGIC... and come November 19th I plan on taking a week off from everything and everyone to get back into the best series of all time...

On my shiny new Wii.


I have not been this excited about any game or console in a long, long time. It's like when I was a kid and first learned about the Super Nintendo.

Dear god I can't wait.

nevar forget!11

This is a rant.

Fuck 9/11!

I've been home less than an hour and every single news channel is going on and on and on.

Expected? Yeah. Annoying? Very much so.

I cannot be the only one in the world who approaches this disaster with nothing but anger, can I?
I don't cry, I don't feel remorse. I feel nothing but anger.

And not anger at so called "terrorists". Anger at the entire world and the disgusting reality that something like this can happen because we let it happen.

Instead I hear about memorials and ceremonies...For what. what are you celebrating? Oh...You're not? Then what are you remembering? Let it go. And if not, stop being so goddamn overblown about it.

If I lost someone close to me on this day so many years ago, I would sit at home with the television OFF and get lost in my own thoughts. I would not need or want a damn thing else.

How much does anybody want to bet that George Bush mentions his "war on terror" during any speech he happens to give today. Even the one at "ground zero".

That's all this is now, fuel for the fire that his government insists on fanning until the entire earth is scorched. I swear to god.

At least CBC had the balls to run several documentaries and mini features about the conspiracy theories surrounding this day (although these aired yesterday in the morning). That's what I'd like to see, more answers and less shedding of tears because everyone thinks they have to...And dear CHRIST are there ever a whole lot of questions that aren't being answered, even still.

I'm not going to outright say that I think the government is behind it all, but one has to ask why truth is being obscured five years after the fact.

And don't get me started on the Americana Propaganda shit either. I've seen enough of those people and I will not cry for dead Americans while a great deal of the world is getting torn to shreds thanks to them and a fake war.

this is the way it goes and goes and goes.

The past few weeks I have been sleeping terribly...Like very, very badly.

I am not the type of person to proclaim I have insomnia like some people do after not sleeping well for some time, but I sure as fuck feel like complete shit.

It's the type of thing where you lay in bed completely frustrated because you can't sleep. Nothing feels comfortable and you feel the burning in your eyes even when they are closed.

But eventually you fall asleep, or you think you do...Because sooner or later it's time to get up all of a sudden...And you're left wondering if you went through some kind of time warp because your body feels as if it has absorbed absolutely zero hours of sleep.

So you go through the rest of your day/night like a fucking zombie. Everything about everything pisses you off and all you want to do is lay down somewhere and die but you can't. And you question if you'll make it through the night.

Seriously.

I have been drinking nothing but energy shit and eating nothing but junk for the past few days out of absolute desperation to feel normal during my working hours.

Last night I was struck by a sickening feeling of dizziness from out of nowhere. It was as if the world was being run through some kind of cheap photoshop filter because everything looked so odd that it was making me light headed. I was 90% sure I was about to just pass out for about 15 minutes.

I sat in the bathroom and just closed my eyes for some time before splashing my face with some water and just dealing with it.

Eventually it faded but for the rest of the night my legs felt like Jello, which is both cool and annoying at the same time.

Oh I also developed a weird craving for chocolate milk and ripple chips with dip. An incredible craving.

So here I am chugging the shit back and gorging away. What the hell is going on.

maybe it's all related. Maybe I am about to just run out of gas or something. I don't like it.

Maybe it's possible that something is actually chemically or physically wrong with me and so I just can't sleep, but I am still inclined to believe it's something else just lingering in my head or bothering me on some other level. It's happened plenty of times, but not usually for this long.

It doesn't even really feel like my mind is that busy while I'm laying there, but really who knows.

I am going to cut back on caffeine and sugar. Period. If I crash and burn, so be it, but I am too dependent on the shit as it is.

This is going to be interesting!

From the morning.

Recently Matthew Good has been mentioning Nick Drake in some of his blog posts.

I admit, without shame to having never even heard the name before I read it a week ago. I did some or research and found his life story to be incredibly depressing. I did however, make a mental note and am now listening to what are probably some of the best acoustic guitar tunes I've ever heard.

This is beautiful, sad and almost haunting music. It was created long before my time, but it's incredible to be able to listen to it even now.

I guess I can thank Matthew Good for that one.

Somehow it's still depressing thinking what could have been, and how there is so much beautiful, incredible music that for whatever reason gets so overlooked in this world.

I guess that happens. I just wish it didn't.