dumb shit.

I'm still off work. Two weeks or something and counting. I went and took a look and I am scheduled next week, for a whole FOUR hour shift! how generous of them.

Idiots actually called me tonight at 11:30 and said "I can use you tonight if you're free" I thought about if for 3.23 seconds and told him no.

Call it some stupid pride thing or whatever you want, but I knew it would happen eventually and my plan was to tell them to eat shit from day one.

To be thought of only when their lazy full timers let them down is dumb. To be called in to bail them out after getting fucked over is an insult to me. I'm not being over dramatic and I'm not saying it's a huge deal, but it is fucking stupid of them. (also stupid is calling me at 11:30, you morons)

I could tell he expected my answer and was seemingly surprised that I didn't have more to say other than "Nope. Can't do it. No thanks"

Pretty sure a few other people in my situation told him the same thing. We had all talked about how it was going to happen.

I kind of decided if/when I go back there that I won't be working any extra hours for them. At all. I'm usually cool about staying late whenever they ask, but I won't be anymore. They can schedule me however the fuck they please and I'll work and shut up, but I won't be giving any extra time to help out that company. Money or not. I don't give a shit.

Anyway, a shift next week is either an indication that things might be getting back to normal slowly...but it also might not be. We'll see how it goes.

I mostly kind of don't care, only because I got my holiday pay last week, so I'm still in decent shape financially for the time being.

If I had my own place or kids or whatever the fuck, it would obviously be a different story. In fact I'd probably just be searching for a new job right now (which is still a possibility)

It hasn't been all bad. Sitting on my ass and going through my backlog of games (the Assassin's Creed games mostly) has been fun, and seeing my sister for the 10 days or so she was here was also cool. We sat around and played games and talked whatnot and that was fun.

Being awake at normal hours and feeling normal is also kind of cool. My sleep patters are as wonky as ever, I can't seem to fall asleep until 5 AM no matter what, BUT on the plus side, I'm not completely wiped and feeling like a zombie at 6 PM like I usually am on my days off.

I only wish it were summer. Two/three weeks off then would be more than welcome, to be honest.

So yeah.

Coolest shit of the day

FIGHT THE FOOT



I love the Ninja Turtles films. Mostly due to my nostalgic love for the franchise, obviously. They aren't outstanding in anyway, but this fan made trailer/project is pretty awesome.

Maybe not AMAZING since it's just a snippet, but I think it shows just enough to convey a sort of mood that just feels right.

Thinking about a darker, grittier live action Turtles movie is actually exciting to me. I think I might be going nuts.

I'd watch the shit out of it, whether a real studio gets behind it or these guys do it themselves.

Fuckin' turtle power, for life.

also: that end shot, fuck yeah.

oh god.

Goosebumps all fucking over.

February 15th!

also listen to another song/pre-order the fuck out of this, here

HOCKEY POST 2

So I got to go to another hockey game on Thursday and it was awesome as shit. Same great (free) seats and a totally entertaining time.

I think that if I was a rich man, season tickets would be one of the first things I'd buy, a long with someone to drive me there and pick me up because the worst part about going to a game is getting there and getting out, but that's expected when 18,000 people all have the same agenda.

I got myself a cheerleader calendar and fist bumped the girls, but my efforts to lead the cheer were in vain, since the oilers dropped a close game, but damn it was entertaining.

Which leads me nicely into why I actually wanted to make this post. I wanted to rant, and nobody who reads this will care because they don't do hockey, but that's not the point.

The Oilers are the first Canadian team to have a "cheer squad" and the controversy surrounding that when it was first announced was absurd. From the expected "wah wah I'm a woman and I don't like this purely based on that! sluts! grrr!" to the also stupid "Canadian teams don't need cheerleaders because we know the game!" because people somehow think fans are above that.

They stand around and talk to people/sell shit/take photos with fans and be real nice before the puck drop and a few times a game they do a little dance routine (in the stands obviously) that's pretty far removed from what cheerleaders in other sports do, so I don't know how anyone can be offended or put off by that. Man people are dumb.

It's simply another thing to add to the spectacle that is an NHL game.

Personally, I can think of a million things more offensive than this. And not just because I have a penis.

And onto the other part of the rant, which is that I hate when people who seemingly don't follow hockey at all feel the need to tell me the Oilers "suck" when they see me wearing a shirt or whatever.

I get this all the time at work, and while playful smack talk is cool, it's the people who don't know SHIT that piss me off.

Nobody with half a brain expected this team to be contenders this year. To even think that is beyond absurd. This is a team that is REBUILDING the very core of itself and that means choosing youth over experience and BUILDING up from that.

You know what happens when teams do that? they have multiple seasons of lurking near the bottom of the standings, because it takes TIME.

There are NO expectations, it's all about growing.

Seriously, there are eight guys on the team this season who scored their first NHL goals. That's a lot of rookie/young talent floating around, and you can't expect them all to click and light it up everynight. I've never been an NHL player, but I can't imagine it's easy to adapt to the game at that level, and so there are tons of growing pains and people can bitch and complain all they want, but it's expected.

I think the true fans see beyond that. Stop expecting results right now and just enjoy the chemistry.

If you know hockey, there's no way you can watch an Oilers game and deny the absolutely amazing skill this team has/will have in three to four years. It's insane even at this stage.

People also don't understand that the previous season where they finished dead last was the breaking point. they DID suck then and that's why shit has been stripped away and will continue to evolve. People were told back then that the team were contenders and THAT is the difference.

One first round draft pick later and a bunch of prospects inserted into the lineup and the Oilers are playing the most entertaining and exciting hockey I've seem them play in forever.

And now you can all go back to not caring. Sorry.

PS. I might get to go to the game on Sunday! maybe!

Spoke too soon.

Guess how many hours I get to work next week?

ZERO.

Idiots cut 150 hours from the schedule and now a bunch of people aren't working. At all.

Boggles my mind. We've not been told why as of yet, other than "THEY are just cutting hours" but most people think it's because of their open 24 hour failure and now we're getting boned to make up for that blunder.

I just can't wrap my mind around how they think this is going to work, though.

There are maybe 6 "full timers" who will be scheduled, three of whom call in sick at least twice a week (because they can get away with it for some reason) so...good fucking luck with that, you morons.

And as I said previously, it's a fucking disaster there.

I'm hoping they call me one of those days I'm off and ask if I want to come in. I'll probably tell them to get fucked on principle.

I can take a week off and survive. I guess any longer than that is going to get pretty shitty, so I don't know. Nobody has said how long it will last, but a lot of people are pretty furious and rightfully so.

Good part is my sister is visiting soon, so I might actually get to hang out with her a bit, this time.

Mostly, I predict a lot of sitting on my ass being bored, though.

something something can't sleep.

Right now I feel like I should have capitalized on my lack of energy an hour ago, because I've just got myself an unwanted second wind, and probably couldn't sleep if my life depended on it.

So I am sitting here, mostly just thinking.

Hours are getting cut at work, and I'm stuck working four hour shifts, four days a week. Hours always seem to get chopped this time of year, but it has never been this dumb. It doesn't make much sense to me, considering what a terrible state that store is in, you'd think they'd take the hit and actually want more people there to, you know, actually make it look half decent, but no...They are content with saving money by not offering the time, so what can I do?

I'm glad I have no real allegiance to the place. Yes, I've worked there long enough, but that actually doesn't mean anything. If I found a better job, I'd walk away easily enough. The thing is I don't often look, and truly, $26 or so an hour for doing what I do is pretty good.

The reason I even bring up work is that one of my "resolutions" is to pay off my debts as agressively as possible, and working shit hours makes that tough, obviously.

I've been doing okay so far, pretty much just by being a cheapskate for once in my life and also the fact that I've been pretty much doing nothing socially.

Which goes nicely into my next random topic of...I guess the same feelings I wrote about in that other post are still with me. Such a lack of motivation for anything.

Which leads me again to saying that I really miss summer right now.

I miss running. A lot. I'm looking forward to a full season of it. Like crazy.

Feel free to say what you want, but joining a gym or whatever and pissing around on some of their gear just doesn't strike me as a replacement. Or at least not one that I want.

I don't quite know what it is about running and being out there in the morning. It's just...special to me, somehow.

Of course, I also miss this:



But everybody knows that by now. Really, watching it just fills me with a sense of calm and warm longing, which isn't bad. It'll have to do, eh?

A while ago I signed up for an Emusic account since just to download one album. I planned on canceling soon after, but stayed subscribed, and I'm glad I have, because I've discovered a great number of bands and music I'd never have found otherwise.

And whatever, call me crazy, but I like the fact that I get my music legally.

One such band I happening to be listening to at the moment is The Bronzed Chorus.



This shit is tight, allegedly it's just a two man band, but I don't know if that's true of this particular album or not.

Anyway, since this post is on the upswing, here are some things that make me happy:

The all new Suzuki GSR750. I love that look

Hot awesome Swedish girl makes ridiculously awesome Varia suit. And more

Miyamoto. A wise man

I mean...come on.

See ya.

For Emily.

Dear Emily,

These days I'm finding it easier and easier to live with the fact that you'd rather not speak to me directly, let alone find the time to reply to my letters.

I think, Emily, that even now, miles and miles away from me, you perform your job with amazing skill.

Simply put, it matters not if these letters ever receive a reply, only that your eyes see them. I have no insurance of such things happening, but what little faith I have left is invested solely in you.

It is all I have.

I suppose if I'm being perfectly honest, Emily, the idea that you might actually reply is indeed a positive one , but that's just it. An idea. Ideas are often worth less than the cheap paper they are hastily written on. That much I know.

Ideas go nowhere, and yet we love them all the same.

Ideas are hope, I suppose, and hope, Emily, is something of a foreign feeling to me.

All I know is I miss you dearly. I regret things I've said and actions I've taken, but you know that as well as I do.

I've tried to resume life without you. I've typed up resumes and scanned newspapers for jobs. I've tried to be a robot.

Why does everything leave me feeling so empty, Emily?

If I try hard, I can remember a time when simple things brought me pleasure. Coffee in the morning, sleeping in on the weekend, but now, I feel transparent, like those simple things pass right through me. No weight to them.

Nothing has weight anymore.

The other night while I was out for a walk I sat on a park bench and listened to the city for an hour. It seemed more alive than ever before and the thought kind of bothered me. Nobody sleeps. Everyone is busy all of the time.

I think more than anything, we often resemble rats or some other pest. We think we're above that simply because we don't shit on each other like they do.

But we do. We shit on each other and we shit on everything that's given to us. This entire city is shit and the stench is sometimes overpowering.

It's those dark thoughts, Emily. I cannot escape them.

I sometimes dream of them creeping up on me. They stick a hook through me and reel me in like a fish. I try to run away, but it's like they toy with me. I put some distance between myself and the darkness but I get dragged back and have to do it all over again.

If you were were, you'd try and tell me what it meant. You were good at that, and despite my protests, it always helped me.

Now I don't have you. I have nothing.

Nothing to lose.

- as always.

Every light.

Alright, I've been putting off this post for a while. In fact I've started it a few times and just stopped because it ended up sounding too dramatic or something.

I don't know what it is, but for the past month or so (maybe longer) I've been feeling so completely "down" that it sometimes feels like too much.

I don't know. I feel so withdrawn and absolutely don't feel like doing anything that involves going out or seeing friends or any of that shit. I have a hard time getting motivated to even leave the house to run errands and whatnot.

Everything feels like a chore. A chore that I want to put off forever.

I don't know that I'm actually depressed in the way that I feel hopeless or anything, but I guess it is a form of depression.

It's not completely new to me. I just can't get over it or shake it like I have before.

It HAS happened in winter a lot. I guess because in part, it's just a pain in the ass to go anywhere or do anything during these months...it just feels like more than that, though.

I'd make a joke about how is probably is some form of Seasonal affective disorder, but I don't know, maybe it actually is.

I'm no doctor, and I don't make habits of diagnosing myself using online tools (seriously. those people drive me nuts) but all of that information is pretty interesting to me and a lot of it fits like a glove.

It's not constant, though. I have moments of real happiness and joy, but most of the time it is easier to just pretend or not care altogether and just sit here.

So yeah, like I said, not trying to sound overly dramatic, but that's what has been up with me lately.

And no, it has nothing to do with it being the holiday season or Molson being gone. It's not depression like that. I'm not sure I'm even actively sad. I'm just...unmotivated and would rather be left alone and pretend nobody else exists.

Which I guess is kind of sad in itself, so...

I don't know. Whatever.

On top of that I've got caught myself a seriously awful cold that seems to be fucking up my entire body, because I just feel like a bag of shit and am tired of coughing up neon green and blowing neon yellow out my nose every 3.25 seconds.

I also haven't had a real sleep in three days or so. I don't know what the fuck that is about. Maybe it's just because I wake up coughing or stuffed up and just can't get back to sleep.

Fucking bullshit. Fuck winter.