BALLS

Oh shit, it has been some time.

I don't have much to report.

Well, maybe a bit.

a few weeks ago (maybe even a month now) I went to the doctor because after beating some sort of flu, my BALLS were hurting. Well, not so much hurting, but this really strange nagging pain feeling that was incredibly bothersome, this had been going on for probably a week.

Now, obviously I don't like going to visit the doctor for anything, but talking about my balls is even worse. Only slightly, though. I'm not really one of those guys embarrassed by stuff like that. I mean, if something is going wrong, ya wanna find out, you know? and these guys have seen it all, so who gives a shit.

Basically I was told that I should have an ultrasound done, and so I booked that, laughing at the thought of how awkward such a thing was going to be.

so a week later or whatever, sitting in the waiting room I imagining just how awkward it might actually be, dreaming up these situations like maybe getting a massive erection among other things.

So, I get called in and sure enough there's a cute girl who's going to be all up on my balls. that's awkward to me. Call me whatever you want, but I'd almost rather have some old man inspecting my balls.

But no, cute girl...who proceeds to introduce another cute girl as this "in training" sort of technician and WOULD IT BE ALRIGHT IF SHE STUCK AROUND. I actually laughed out loud because I'd thought about this as one of those crazy awkward situations in the waiting room. So I smirked and just said "suuuuure, why not!"

then they leave and you get your balls out and lay down and they come back and get to work. Once it is all underway (I'd never had an ultrasound before) it is significantly less awkward because it's a darkened room and it's not as if they are focused on your nuts and grabbing at your sack. They are looking at the screen, right?

So they were discussing things and the newbie was asking questions, and my god, they made testicles sound magical and fascinating.

The one lady eventually finishes and just when I think I'm done I get a "WOULD YOU MIND IF HANNA THE NEW GIRL TRIED IT OUT?" and at this point I'm all "yeah man, go for it" and get told that I am an exceptionally "good sport" about the whole ordeal.

So yeah, pretty awkward, but not the worst thing ever.

few days later I had the followup thing and it turns out I've got Varicose vein(s) in or around my testicles which basically constrict and expand and all that shit and can cause a lot of discomfort. I was told it's not exceptionally rare, but that I needed to have an ultrasound done on my abdomen to make sure there was nothing out of the ordinary causing them.

So I had that done and the ordeal was less awkward, but more painful. they have you drink a SHIT LOAD of water before hand, and when I arrived, I swear, I'd never had to piss so bad in my entire life. Like, I was in a lot of pain.

I was actually on my way to the bathroom to release some sweet, sweet pee when the dude came out to get me.

so I went in there and the pressure he applied with the ultrasound thing on my full bladder/abdomen/anywhere else was some of the most painful shit ever. I was ready to burst, but not before punching the guy in the face.

That was right before he told me to go empty my bladder and them come back.

Anyway, I spent the next few days really nervous about the results, because I'd actually been having some really strange pains in my stomach/sides as well. It sucks to get worked up about that sort of stuff, but I was actually a nervous wreck...though, I hid it well.

In the end the results came back normal, and I was so relieved, but still a bit perplexed at what the pain might be.

I was re-assured that it's nothing serious, could be a few things and that I should wait it out.

Since then I've had the pains off and on, but my balls have felt normal, so it's really, really weird.

I suppose if it carries on into the new year, I'll go back and ask "what the fuck?" because it sure does make me uncomfortable at times.

So, yup.

That's my update of my awkward past month or so.

PS. I didn't get an erection. The situation was FAR TOO MEDICAL for me, sadly.

PPS. annual "holy shit it doesn't feel like Christmas" comment. Because holy fuck does it not. Warm weather and all.