cgi wankfest.
I just got back from seeing Transformers 2 revenge of the sith or whatever the fuck it is called.
I have never in my life seen a movie so devoid of any real meaningful or eventful plot in my entire life. Hundreds of millions of dollars of cgi (which is fantastic looking) cannot keep me entertained for nearly 3 fucking hours. That is a joke.
here is a quick summary:
Good:
- Fantastic effects, robots pummeling each other. Megan Fox is purely eye candy
Bad:
- was written by either mentally handicapped children or Michael Bay himself. Seriously. I think they wrote this script in a few weeks after the first one just because they knew they could. I would provide specific examples, but my brain is still liquid after sitting through this shit.
-Far too many attempts at humor which are NOT funny in the least. Hey guys let's have two "black" robots and make them loud and obnoxious! wow are they WILD and CRAZY let's have them say countless stereotypical lines that are not in anyway funny. THAT IS BRILLIANT.
- Typical Michael bay direction including pointless explosions, vehicles flipping around, constant tight shots, rotating cameras and so on. Go back to directing commercials you fuck face. You are ALL played out style and NO substance.
- Too fucking long. And this means something because I hardly ever complain about the runtime of a film. You are making a movie about robots who transform. It does not in any way need to be 2.5 hours long.
And NO, I didn't go into it expecting a masterpiece, so don't even start with that shit.
This a fluffy summer popcorn film, I GET that...what I don't get are the countless people who see this as more than that (and in fact try to TELL me it is "amazing")
This whole rant is being written because of how huge this film will be and how it deserves absolutely none of the money it will make. I am SICK of these "block busters" that we are all supposed to get boners for. It is fucking absurd.
This applies to all the comic book cartoon movies as well. I hate asking someone which films they are looking forward to and getting a list that is 90% shit based off of a comic or cartoon. There are obvious exceptions, but for the most part, people need to just stop.
"wait a minute, Dan" you might be saying "didn't you say you enjoyed the first Transformers film?"
I did originally write here that it was a good movie. This was after seeing it for the first time and buying into the hype. I wanted a Transformers movie to work and be good.
I've tried watching it again on DVD, I got through it a second time, just barely. To me a great film allows itself to be watched several times over. It allows you to discover its smaller details and in turn love it more as a whole.
These movies are not that. Not even close.
I wonder how a different director, given the same hundreds of millions would handle such a film. But I don't wonder for too long, because I think it is painfully obvious now that this "franchise" was never really meant for this.
Unless you are 12 years old or possess the mentality of one, you brain will probably also turn to liquid upon watching this.
And I am not talking about suspending your belief and just going for a ride. I can and have done that a million times.... This is different. This movie was actually BAD and doesn't even warrant you trying to wrap your head around its horeshit.
I have never in my life seen a movie so devoid of any real meaningful or eventful plot in my entire life. Hundreds of millions of dollars of cgi (which is fantastic looking) cannot keep me entertained for nearly 3 fucking hours. That is a joke.
here is a quick summary:
Good:
- Fantastic effects, robots pummeling each other. Megan Fox is purely eye candy
Bad:
- was written by either mentally handicapped children or Michael Bay himself. Seriously. I think they wrote this script in a few weeks after the first one just because they knew they could. I would provide specific examples, but my brain is still liquid after sitting through this shit.
-Far too many attempts at humor which are NOT funny in the least. Hey guys let's have two "black" robots and make them loud and obnoxious! wow are they WILD and CRAZY let's have them say countless stereotypical lines that are not in anyway funny. THAT IS BRILLIANT.
- Typical Michael bay direction including pointless explosions, vehicles flipping around, constant tight shots, rotating cameras and so on. Go back to directing commercials you fuck face. You are ALL played out style and NO substance.
- Too fucking long. And this means something because I hardly ever complain about the runtime of a film. You are making a movie about robots who transform. It does not in any way need to be 2.5 hours long.
And NO, I didn't go into it expecting a masterpiece, so don't even start with that shit.
This a fluffy summer popcorn film, I GET that...what I don't get are the countless people who see this as more than that (and in fact try to TELL me it is "amazing")
This whole rant is being written because of how huge this film will be and how it deserves absolutely none of the money it will make. I am SICK of these "block busters" that we are all supposed to get boners for. It is fucking absurd.
This applies to all the comic book cartoon movies as well. I hate asking someone which films they are looking forward to and getting a list that is 90% shit based off of a comic or cartoon. There are obvious exceptions, but for the most part, people need to just stop.
"wait a minute, Dan" you might be saying "didn't you say you enjoyed the first Transformers film?"
I did originally write here that it was a good movie. This was after seeing it for the first time and buying into the hype. I wanted a Transformers movie to work and be good.
I've tried watching it again on DVD, I got through it a second time, just barely. To me a great film allows itself to be watched several times over. It allows you to discover its smaller details and in turn love it more as a whole.
These movies are not that. Not even close.
I wonder how a different director, given the same hundreds of millions would handle such a film. But I don't wonder for too long, because I think it is painfully obvious now that this "franchise" was never really meant for this.
Unless you are 12 years old or possess the mentality of one, you brain will probably also turn to liquid upon watching this.
And I am not talking about suspending your belief and just going for a ride. I can and have done that a million times.... This is different. This movie was actually BAD and doesn't even warrant you trying to wrap your head around its horeshit.
posted by D. at 4:57 p.m.
7 Comments:
I thought the first lacked substance. In a huge way, honestly. But it was entertaining enough. I'm sure it (the new one) would keep me entertained to a point. BUT..most films of this ilk tend to just kinda..I dunno..
You know the kind of films I like. I guess I'll just keep it at that. (So you know what I'm trying to say.)
I seriously love it when you get all ranty. I'm not sure why. Perhaps because it displays your lovely brain. And then I put a heart here.
All this talk of brains and hearts is making me hungry.
It was too long. I thought it would be better but I wasn't expecting much...I just like the transforming. I thought the movie was OK but nothing amazing or worth the way I hear people talk about it. My 4 and 6 year old liked it but that doesn't surprise me....I think their favourite part was the "black" robots.
See I disagree, Im not going to say this movie was "Fucking Great" or "best movie ever" cause it wasnt.
I knew this when i walked into it. Its Transformers, Autobots battling Decipticons. Pretty much everything Transformers is about and it delivers that.
I cant really see how they can pull a Dark Knight out of the transformers franchise. Then again maybe with different direction i dunno.
I'm not defending it cause i really truly don't give a rats ass about transformers. But i thought it was entertaining. Way to long but entertaining none the less.
If it was all about autobots battling decepticons, that might be decent...except is isn't.
It's 2 and a half hours of shia labeef acting like a moron, American military FUCK YEAH-ness and other assorted bullshit.
haha...labeef.
Any movie made by Americans is chalked full of that American Pride Hell yeah blow shit up attitude. I think it's mandated straight from congress.
They should just have battling, no army, no shitty labeeff. Also Megan Fox running around naked for 3 hours, that would make it better.
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