4:01
Kids,
I've been thinking about life.
I find it quite odd that all I do is work, sleep and this. I'm the type of fellow that could be described as anti-social.
I really don't ever feel the need to surround myself with other people or to go places. Some people might see that as a problem.
I mean I've tried it before. I've never been a social butterfly, but I've certainly put myself out there a few times, and it's never quite worked out.
I don't know. I guess in a way I'm extremely independent, you know how people sometimes feel lonely?
I never do. I never really have. I'm not even exaggerating, I don't quite know how it feels to be lonely, and yet by definition, I should/could be the loneliest person alive (well, no, but you know what I'm saying)
I've never really craved attention, or closeness to/from other people. Perhaps that's why I'm so shy/lack self esteem? I'm not sure.
And yet...I've had the closeness and attention, and I enjoyed it at the time...I just don't seek it out, I guess.
All I know is that I live life and do my thing which is usually nothing of importance or consequence to anybody else. Sounds depressing, and I guess it is sometimes, but today I was thinking about it, and I really don't care.
90% of the time I'd rather stay home and sleep than do anything else in the world. I love my friends and I love my family, but sometimes it just doesn't matter. I feel the need to disappear far too often.
I think I'd let the world pass me by entirely if it were at all possible. I wonder just how fucked up that is.
I've been thinking about life.
I find it quite odd that all I do is work, sleep and this. I'm the type of fellow that could be described as anti-social.
I really don't ever feel the need to surround myself with other people or to go places. Some people might see that as a problem.
I mean I've tried it before. I've never been a social butterfly, but I've certainly put myself out there a few times, and it's never quite worked out.
I don't know. I guess in a way I'm extremely independent, you know how people sometimes feel lonely?
I never do. I never really have. I'm not even exaggerating, I don't quite know how it feels to be lonely, and yet by definition, I should/could be the loneliest person alive (well, no, but you know what I'm saying)
I've never really craved attention, or closeness to/from other people. Perhaps that's why I'm so shy/lack self esteem? I'm not sure.
And yet...I've had the closeness and attention, and I enjoyed it at the time...I just don't seek it out, I guess.
All I know is that I live life and do my thing which is usually nothing of importance or consequence to anybody else. Sounds depressing, and I guess it is sometimes, but today I was thinking about it, and I really don't care.
90% of the time I'd rather stay home and sleep than do anything else in the world. I love my friends and I love my family, but sometimes it just doesn't matter. I feel the need to disappear far too often.
I think I'd let the world pass me by entirely if it were at all possible. I wonder just how fucked up that is.
posted by D. at 3:27 p.m.
5 Comments:
See..I don't think that's fucked up.
Earlier today I mentioned that I thought maybe I was lonely, because I miss Andy and Martina...but that at the same time, I don't know if that's what it is, because quite frankly, I'm not in much of a mood to be seeing anyone. Or talking to anyone (well, except you, but..well..you know). Or doing anything.
I went through this weird transformation from a social butterfly, constantly with people, to being a hermit with roommates.
And I like it better that way.
If left to be in my OWN place...I probably would never go anywhere. Except for during Thanksgiving and Christmas. And to the grocery store. Or the movies.
What's different though is I'm sure I would start to feel lonely sometimes. And I'd probably cry from my lack of understanding about why I am the way I am. I mean, I do like to be with people sometimes (so I guess I'd go out occasionally for social reasons).
And, as you said, it's not like you don't love your friends and family.
I'm not trying to say, "OMG, like, me too!" Because we both know that it's NOT the same. I guess I'm just..babbling..and through babbling trying to tell you that I actually don't think you're fucked up...or if you are that I don't see anything wrong with it.
And I'm glad you don't care what people think of it. Or whether or not it's messed up to feel the way you do.
You are seriously one of the strongest people I know. Bet you'd never have guessed that.
I'm a pretty damn independent person, but I envy just how TRULY independent you are.
Its uncanny how much were alike. I enjoy my alone time, which tends to be quite a bit. There are instances were I get pissed at myself for not doing nothing about but what can I do its who I am. I am pessimist, I’m pretty much always down, I guess I’ve learned to deal with it, its normal for me.
On the plus side I am pretty sure a bunch of this shit changes once you become more independent, move out, totally on your own it kind of forces you to deal with stuff, either that or become a total shut in debugging conspiracies that don’t really exist, or do they?????
I don't think it's so messed up. When somebody says its normal to be constantly surrounded by people, and that preferring to be alone is a problem, it's likely because they've been on that crutch too long and don't even know what their own voice sounds like, let alone what their opinion is.
I started as a hermit, transformed into a social being... and now I'm a hermit again. Frankly, I can say I prefer it better this way. No pettiness, no politics. If somebody wants something from me, they come to me, rather than I to them.
However, I differ from most people in the fact that I don't really have a lot of love for my family. I know the routine that "family is important," and that "everybody should love their family." Not me. I could move away and get by with maybe a phonecall a month. If even that.
Come to think of it, I could live the life of a recluse... as long as I could write, there wouldn't be a thing in the world that could hold me.
Your wit and humor ,although similar to someone elses I know was unmatched by any. Attempted by some only to pathetically crash and burn.
She's absolutely correct. :)
Yes...sometimes the shortest answer is the most meaningful, isn't it?
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