Now then.
I've been having some real odd feelings lately.
While I'm laying in bed, I keep having the feeling that the earth is about to drop out from under me and my bed is going to be falling through the sky.
It's a very, very strange sensation, sort of like falling down real quickly or something, where you feel your heart sort of do that weird thing it does... It takes me a while to convince myself that nothing is going to happen.
And then there is my awake time....
I keep thinking of dying or hurting myself. Sort of like imagining it, I guess. For instance, I was in the shower and thought about slipping and crashing through the glass and creating a very bloody mess.
Or I'll be working, you know, cutting something with my utility knife and think to myself "what if....?" and so on. It's kind of terrible and has been making it hard for me to focus for a while now.
I'm not trying to sound suicidal or fucked up in the head, because I'm not. I can't be. I'm just saying it's a real thing that has been bothering me.
It is becoming less frequent I think...And anyway, I think it's just me having a morbid sense of curiosity more than anything...
While I'm laying in bed, I keep having the feeling that the earth is about to drop out from under me and my bed is going to be falling through the sky.
It's a very, very strange sensation, sort of like falling down real quickly or something, where you feel your heart sort of do that weird thing it does... It takes me a while to convince myself that nothing is going to happen.
And then there is my awake time....
I keep thinking of dying or hurting myself. Sort of like imagining it, I guess. For instance, I was in the shower and thought about slipping and crashing through the glass and creating a very bloody mess.
Or I'll be working, you know, cutting something with my utility knife and think to myself "what if....?" and so on. It's kind of terrible and has been making it hard for me to focus for a while now.
I'm not trying to sound suicidal or fucked up in the head, because I'm not. I can't be. I'm just saying it's a real thing that has been bothering me.
It is becoming less frequent I think...And anyway, I think it's just me having a morbid sense of curiosity more than anything...
posted by D. at 10:37 a.m.
5 Comments:
Maybe that’s just normal. I tend to do that allot to. I don’t think there is a day that goes where I don’t think about stuff like that. Mostly when I am driving alone, just taking my car and piling it right into something at 100km a hour either oncoming traffic or a cement guard rail or just drive it right off a embankment. I don’t think that’s suicidal at all, at least not in my case. Mainly because its just thoughts. If you actually started acting out those thoughts then it would become a concern.
but it's sort of more than just a fleeting thought when it happens to me...I dunno. I can't explain it really. It comes and goes, and like I said it seems better now, so I'm not worried.
I am to lazy to spell check this so bear with me.
I wouldnt say mine are fleeting thoughts either. I find its affected by mood if i am feeling down and out, i tend to be on the morbid thought side. Which for me is the majority of the time so i just convinced myself that its normal.
Seriously just because thoughts like that cross your mind i dont think is a big deal, like you said curoisity.
I always think about falling while walking up or down the stairs. Or what it would be like to just jump off the balcony.
Get that falling sensation too, sometimes it feels like I'm falling off the bed, other times it's like my leg is about to fall over the edge. When I was a kid I used to have dreams about walking backwards and falling off a cliff. I think most of us have those things but we grow out of them and they come back some times.
The stair thing is just really annoying though. And as for the jumping off the balcony thing - I'm just glad I don't walk around in my sleep, otherwise I'm sure someone would have had to peel me off the flowerbed by now.
I've gone for a tumble out of my bunk before. It wasn't fun. I had a dream that I was sleeping on the bottom bunk, when in fact I was on the top. An alarm goes off, and I roll out of bed... and promptly fall six feet to the ground below.
Fastest wakeup call ever.
The sensation of falling comes when I'm asleep sometimes, but it usually quickly changes into a sensation of flying. I'm like that, I guess.
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