For Emily...

Dear Emily,

I trust you received my last letter. In fact, I know you did.

I wonder how it made you feel, Emily. Did it bring back memories of all the late nights? Or all the times we fought?

I guess in the end it matters not. I know it made you feel something…and something is all I’m looking for from you.

Emily, I’ve been thinking a lot of what it means to feel happy. I’ve realized I only truly feel at peace when I’m remembering the past. I don’t particularly enjoy the prospect of the future. I certainly don’t enjoy fighting this battle just to see another empty sunrise surrounded by strangers who resemble robots more than human beings.

I need more than that.

The truth, Emily, is that you and I are more alike than you ever admitted. I’ve heard them say otherwise and I’ve heard you agree, but you don’t know the truth. Not yet.

When we first met you promised you would help me. You promised you could fix me and I wonder how hard you really tried. There are things in this life that cannot be explained and one of them is why you felt the need to walk away from me.

I was held down and forced to choke on insurmountable amounts of bullshit, all under your grand plan. You watched it happen and you know it hurt me.

I know all about you, Emily. I know where you came from. I know how long it has taken you to get here. You see…I know what you know.

But you don’t know everything. That much I can promise to you, Emily.

I’m not happy with what I’ve become, but at least it’s all for an ideal. I know what I want and I know I will have it.

Emily, I promise that the next time I rinse the red off of my hands that you and I will be a little closer…a little more drawn together.

Time is closing in and I assure you, that in due time, this great distance between us will be no more than a 7 inch blade, doctor.

I’ll laugh. You’ll smile. Everything will be right.

Always and forever,

- You know who.